Monday, April 11, 2016
My best day in sports rough draft
My best day in sports was when my Kealing middle school team beat the Lamar middle school team for the district championship in volleyball.. Earlier in the volleyball season we were undefeated, until we played the Lamar Scotties. It was a close game that went to a heated three sets. But sadly we lost 25-20, 23-25 and 10-15. Of course this was devastating to me because I had two best friends on the team, and no one likes loosing to there friends. When it came to the end of our 8th grade volleyball season, or the playoffs. We were matched up against lamar. The pre-game trash talk was over the top, the Lamar girls thought they had us beat from the get go. But little did they know we were back for vengeance. Before the game we all got in a close huddle feeling the nervous energy throughout. We took a few deep breaths, with our hand up in the air LADY HORNETS ON THREE, ONE... TWO... THREE, LADY HORNETS. The game began. I was first up to serve. The whistle blows. I can feel the pressure. I ace the ball, landing straight on the floor with two looking as it falls. We all jumped with excitement and thats when I knew this game was going to be a good one. With a great few rallys, Kealing will then win in the first set 25-20. All we needed to do was pull of the next set and we would be the district champs. The second set was heated and even closer then the first. The score 20-20, kealing knows that these next points are crucial. The ball is being served over from the lamar side, everyones low and ready to pass it up. But it goes straight into the net. We all cheer. We then went on to get Kill after kill winning 25-21. We were all ecstatic to have won, we run in the middle of the court to have a huge group hug. After shaking the Lamar girls hands, we got to hold the district champs plaque. When I grabbed that plaque I felt a rush go over me, in the way that I knew when you try your best good things come out of it. And that was my best day in sports.
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Good story except that I'm a Lamar dad so: F. Just kidding. You need to stay to a consistent verb tense in writing narrative. Put the story in past tense or present tense but stick to one. Other typos. See if you can find ways to increase the concrete details and imagery on the second draft. 92
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